Life

Stressed

I’m pretty much going nuts the past few days due to my grandfather, I’m around him 24/7 and as much as I love him to pieces, it’s seriously getting to me. It’s not that I don’t enjoy being around him, it’s the fact that his memory is fading and he’s getting worse by the day. It’s been nearly 3 weeks since I’ve looked after him alone (without help!), my aunts who are seriously pissing the hell outta me either come once or twice a week and make me feel like shit (my aunts are another blog post though!). In those 3 weeks, I’ve only had around 4 hours break away from everything, I desperately need a whole weekend away to rest, have some ME time and see my friends. I feel evil for even wanting some ME time but it’s seriously hard look after someone on your own when they are really ill. Thank god my mom is back next week, she can take the burden off me a little bit!

Here is what I’m currently coping with:

    I was on the phone to my grandfather’s siter updating her on his condition, my grandfather was sleeping on the sofa, after I closed the phone I heard running water… I ran to the kitchen to find the sink overflowing and water everywhere. My grandfather forgot he had the tap running, so I had to clean all that up.

    At the end of last week, my grandfather was screaming at 7am. I rush out of bed to find him in the bathroom shouting that the toilet is blocked. My grandfather has to wear sanitary pads (male versions of the female ones) and he put it down the toilet by mistake. So at 7am I had to try unblock the toilet, get the pad out of the toilet using my hands (thank god for gloves) and keep throwing water down the toilet to try flush up any blockages. 20 minutes later it was working

    Yesterday, my grandfather took an overdose of his medication. He is supposed to take 3 pills in the morning, 4 throughout the day and 1 just before bedtime. In the morning, he ended up taking 4 of 1 pill along with the other 2. He forgot that he took them just minutes before. Luckily my aunt was over at the time and she called the doctor for advice as my grandfather was getting really scared. Thank god that he was okay and didn’t cause any damage!

    Last week, my grandfather’s car wouldn’t start. He doesn’t drive anymore but he runs the engine daily to ensure it starts and works. My grandfather’s car has been in and out of the garage for various problems which resulted in my grandfather thinking that unscrewing the car battery after every use and then reconnecting it before use is a good thing. Anyway, his car would not start last week so he ended up using jump cables and this box thing he has. The result? he ended up putting the cable the wrong way around and now the car will not start at all. This morning to attempted to start the car again and now you don’t even hear the engine attempting to start, all you hear is crunching noise. When I told him to stop trying and to call the road side maintence people (The AA) he told me “arrgh just go away and leave me alone”, so I did. I went back to bed and left him to his own stubborn ways.

    When you talk to him, he doesn’t register what you’re saying. He wears a hearing aid but even with that he doesn’t hear you. He thinks you are whispering when infact I’m nearly shouting at the top of my lungs. My mom called the other day saying she’ll be back here on the 17th instead of the 14th and when I replayed that information to my grandfather, I had to repeat it 5 times, slowly… like I was talking to a kid or someone that didn’t speak a word of english e.g. Muuuuuum *pause* saaaaaaaays *pause* thaaaat *pause* ssshhhhhe *pause* willlllll……

There are tons more examples of things I’m going nuts with, but I guess you all get the jist of it. He gets confused with everything that goes on around him, has trouble reading the time and repeats himself all the time, starts sentences without finishing them, or comes away with things that don’t make sense at all.

Just as I’m typing this, he just woke up out of his many sofa naps and says oh it’s 8pm already? How long have I been asleep for? I say “no it’s only 12:40” he goes “is neighbours on yet” (australian soap opera) and I’m like “no it’s not 1:40 yet, remember” then he says “what about the news” and I say “no that’s on at 1pm”. Then he rubs his eyes and asks “what’s the time?”.

I know he can’t help it, but I just feel bad that I’m going nuts, but you seriously don’t understand how hard it is to look after someone who is nearly 82, memory is fading, can hardly walk and you’re on your own.

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14 Comments

  • Reply
    Ansam
    June 11, 2008 at 12:56 pm

    Its ok to feel angry, you are experiencing some mixed emotions (love, anger, pity, weakness, helplessness….etc)
    You are only a human and mashalla I admire you for what you are doing because believe me when I say, not all people are capable of what you are doing, and you are doing an awesome job babes! Hang in there! What you are doing is good for your soul and will change you as a person!
    You are amazing!

  • Reply
    Natasha
    June 11, 2008 at 3:18 pm

    Awww, I can’t say that I know exactly how your feeling and what your going through.. but my grandfather dealt with the same exact problems before he passed away.. its so sad to see, but its so aggravating when your with them, and that makes you feel so bad as well. So in that, I understand, its hard to be patiente all the time, but I know you can do it =D Your so kind to be doing this for him, and I know deep down that he is very very thankful.

    Even though he is in this stage.. just think.. you really don’t know how much longer you’ll have him for.. so try to do cute little things, like taking him out or trying to play games.. it can be hard, but sometimes fun things jogs there memories.

    Andd I’m flying to New York actually, and meeting my boyfriend whose driving us into Canada because thats where he’s from =D

    Take care, love!
    Take a long bath or something while he’s sleeping.. thats perfect you time.. especially with a bunch of aromatherapy candles, salts and oils.

  • Reply
    Marzouq
    June 11, 2008 at 4:56 pm

    You are holding up with the family, and you are in a very tough situation. Supposedly your Aunts are supposed to be helpful, but they aren’t at all. Its just one of those things that are said, “Alah Yish’hadlich” “God will witness you” I have a lot of respect for what you are doing and it is very tough.

  • Reply
    lieye
    June 11, 2008 at 7:25 pm

    3 weeks alone!!!
    You are a SUPERWOMAN
    GOD BLESS YOUR BIG HEART SIS

  • Reply
    TAT
    June 11, 2008 at 7:25 pm

    cant imagine what you going through, but its the ones we love that drive us nuts. keep it up your doing the right thing

  • Reply
    Sushi
    June 11, 2008 at 8:27 pm

    =/ Medications cause those kinds of behaviors too especially accompanied by old age and stress. You’re doing great though.

  • Reply
    Jacqui
    June 11, 2008 at 8:30 pm

    Things will smooth over when your mom is there to help you out a bit more. At least you can go out and change your mood a bit. But I know how difficult it can get.

  • Reply
    Splash
    June 11, 2008 at 8:52 pm

    Well, i can understand the stress your getting out of him but i think your doing a great job, try to have candles around you it will bring the stress down. as for the pill problem i recommend you go to http://www.forgettingthepill.com/organizers.html and get him one of the organizers they have.

    Note: the third paragraph from the bottom you typed jist for list.

    Good Luck.

  • Reply
    ananyah
    June 11, 2008 at 10:10 pm

    @Ansam – thanks dear, it is tough and at times I do go insane but I try to escape for a few mins to clear my head and start all over again. I guess it gives me experience to look after kids lol

    @Natasha – yah I get what you mean, but I can’t really do anything with him. He sleeps on and off all day, is only awake when I give him his lunch and dinner then he’s off to sleep again. Maybe another reason why I’m going nuts! Yes it’s frustrating especially that I’m helpless and wish he’d be ok.

    @Marzouq – ugh don’t talk to me about my aunts & thanks zook you’ve listened to me when I’ve been at my lowest!

    @lieye – thanks *sigh*

    @TAT – you’re right with that!

    @Sushi – he’s on so many different pills, but this has only been going on for the past month maybe. It came about so quickly.

    @Jacqui – yeah I’m glad she’s back soon, then I can escape for a bit and vice versa. I already planned to meet up with a friend and her two kids the day after my mom comes back.

    @Splash – yah he has a pill box now and I organised everything into morning, lunch, afteroon and night. He still gets confused though it’s heartbreaking & I meant to say jist, re-read the sentence oo google the word jist if you don’t get it :D

  • Reply
    Splash
    June 11, 2008 at 10:12 pm

    ohh ok, i was reading fast :(

  • Reply
    Kitten
    June 12, 2008 at 4:27 pm

    Awww.. I know how frustrating you must be feeling.. coz I passed through a similar phase.. You feel irritated and he is very stubborn – which is typical with grumpy old men..

    But I also know that looking back, I miss him so much & would do anything.. ANYTHING in the world to get him back and spend one more minute with him.. I even miss his bad mood!

    May God bless his soul..

    Be patient dear.. every second counts *hugs*

  • Reply
    Vixen
    June 12, 2008 at 10:01 pm

    I have no idea how that must feel, may God give you strength and patience dear :**

  • Reply
    nannOo
    June 13, 2008 at 12:27 am

    i cant say i know or i feel what u’re going through ,, but i’ve been told that it’s the worst thing to happen ,, and one feels like he cant take it anymore ,, emotionally and physically stressed ,, may God give u patience & strength

  • Reply
    ananyah
    June 15, 2008 at 12:18 am

    @Splash – it’s ok :D

    @Kitten – thanks for commenting dear and what you said is 100% true, even though he is a grumpy old man, I don’t want to loose him and when the time comes, I only wish I can keep being strong. It’s tough, seriously tough.

    @Vixen – thank you, I need everyone’s prayers

    @nannOo – I feel like I’m turning into his mother, making sure he takes his meds, drinks enough liquids, goes to the bathroom, eats enough. But even though I do all that, I still feel helpless the moment he screams in pain.

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