He held his head in his hands, while crying he said “I’m just so so tired”

It was then I knew that no matter how much I try to make him smile, no matter how much I try to act normal around him, cook for him, clean his house, wash his clothes, give him his medication and help him up from his chair, I’m still completely helpless & it hurts.

I wish I could rewind the clock, but life isn’t as simple as that. I love him to pieces, I’ve stopped my life, struggling to do my masters thesis with everything going on, put my plans on hold, moved in with him to look after him, but I do not regret that, I regret the day he was diagnosed with cancer.

18 Comments

  1. you are doing great… dont stop or give up. I am sure he can see all this and he loves you so so much too 🙂

    Hang in there girl :-*

  2. Dear your grand dad is helping by teaching you, and you are not helping him. Are you going to give up learning while he is taking you to reach all areas of your life map? Once you graduate from “Grand Dad Real Life University” you will be different person I mean strong, simplifier, truthful, problem solver, and loveable person.

  3. @Shaymaa- yah I know, I’m just hurting right now.

    @Ansam- I’d never give up on him

    @Tanlineless- I’m trying 😀

    @Lieya- I seriously have no clue what you are on about. How am I not helping him? and who is to say I’m not already strong, truthful and loveable?

  4. you are doing an amazing thing that very few would do! Every moment you spend with him makes a difference! I know that feeling of feeling helpless but just being there for him makes a huge difference and I know this!

  5. You are very kind and God sees that, Inshallaa he will be there to see you finish your masters and much more 🙂

  6. @Kodder – *sigh*

    @Vixen – I don’t think I could have done this 5 years ago and sometimes I still think I can’t.

    @Laialy_q8 – enshalla ya rab!

  7. I cannot hide the fact that I am depressed after reading this. It reminds me that I need to be grateful on the time I have and the friends that accompany me in my life.

    You have a big heart Ananyah, I’m pretty sure you got from grandfather.

  8. @Angelo – didn’t mean to make you depressed *hugs* but yah things like this show us how lucky we all are in life and should be grateful for every breath we take *sigh*.

  9. Wish you the best.
    I know people who dedicate themselves to others specially dieing people are strong loveable truthful…ect. And my wording were general doesn’t mean your personality lacks.

  10. I know it feels like a sacrifice now, and it is very very painful, but you are doing one of the most important jobs on earth. There will be time for the Masters and all the rest, dear one, but this time taking care of your grandfather, as painful as it is, is the most precious time of all. God bless the work of your hands, and help you, and keep your heart strong for this service to your grand dad, and your family.

  11. @lieye – thanks

    @pearls – he’s not giving up, thats a good thing at least.

    @nannOo – thank you 😀

    @Intlxpatr – I guess I am, it doesnt feel like a sacrifice though 🙂 It’s just sad to see him deterioate

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